My mind is constantly running, never quite reaching a point of stillness or tranquility. Taking time out of my busy schedule to just sit down and think about my life seemed, at first, a rather bizarre thing for me to do since I am always running about doing something. However, upon being asked to do so, I supposed it couldn’t be too difficult.
It took quite a while to quiet down my interior monologue enough to where I could just sit in silence.
“What is my dream?”
At first it seemed such a simple question. Yet this dream was supposed to be what I really wanted, not what I feel pressured to do by friends, family, or society. I paused mid-thought when I came upon this obstacle.
“What do I really want to do in life?”
I have such varied interests and passions, and I felt somewhat overwhelmed by the prospective “dream.” I love theatre and acting; I enjoy listening to and playing music; I am intrigued by the inner workings of the human body and mind; I am interested in the histories and cultures of the world; I like the intricacies and nuances of language and linguistics; but how could I possibly choose between these things as my dream?
I feel as though I can do so many things, that I have so much to contribute--but I sometimes fear that I cannot do or be enough. I feel as though there is such a waste of potential with having to narrow down my training and education that I simply cannot have enough time to truly become the best at what I do. Despite this time of meditation and solitude, I have yet to come up with an answer that I am proud of, that I feel is truly right. I feel as though I can never do it justice if I label it, pin it down with a name. While I can occasionally command the English language in a way that conveys my thoughts and emotions, words fail when it comes to describing or explaining what I see in my mind. It is in times like these that I seem to be capable of thinking in only colors, pictures, and other abstract media. Because it seems as though I cannot think in concrete terms on this particular subject, I feel as though I have failed. What I have seemingly failed, I do not know or understand. (The mind is funny like that, I suppose).
I just want to be the best at whatever I put my hand to. I have a desire to prepare myself in every way, shape, and form. I want to learn new languages, play new instruments, portray new characters, discover new facts, understand more of everything. (I am a collector--if not hoarder--of information, it seems).
In any case, I want to be able to help others through my gifts, talents, and skills. Whether that means helping in the physical rehabilitation of an injured child or even bringing joy and laughter to people’s faces through comedic musical theatre, I do not know. However anticlimactic and dull an answer it may appear to be, my dream as of yet is to develop every skill I can so that I may best help others to realize their own dreams.
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